note: this poem was originally for an English assignment. it was written purely from a concept i got by sitting in a library for countless hours. anyways, i hope this makes you fall in love with books and words just like the protagonist did themselves. 🙂
i also hope this isn’t too tragic for a day of love… woops. regardless, happy valentine’s day. here’s a story.
once upon a time i needed you / more than plants need their rain
when i saw you i was euphoric / but you’d leave when i felt pain.
one day you were completely gone / like a child’s toy left un-kept
we would never see each other again / yet you smiled as i wept.
my eyes learned only to scream / and my voice, it could only cry
from the winds of early Septembers / to the heated mid-Julys.
your voice, your words / was all and only of what i could think
as i would lie awake all night / i wouldn’t seem to blink.
blink / now i see you packing your bags / to where i still don’t know
perhaps it hurt you more to hold on / so you decided to let go.
i still remember that moment / it keeps me alert like a warning
and had i not seen a sweeter sorrow / when you left me that morning.
i said “leave, but don’t leave / i’m begging you, please
for you are my stress / but also my ease.”
you pled “i wish i could stay / but i have to disperse
i am a spell, and sadly / you have been cursed.”
now your words repeat in my head / what a sad, sad excuse
this lie you tricked me into believing / i would consider verbal abuse.
me? sadly? cursed? / all i remember feeling was pure magic
if only i had known you would leave me here / with a feeling, now only tragic.
that tragedy started growing / from that day up until now
now i want to let go too / but i just don’t know how.
maybe we should meet again? / you can teach me how you let go, oh, so, lightly
maybe we should meet again! / is that a good idea? it might be.
now all i can remember is our late night talks / perhaps we could do them again
to admit, i miss telling you everything / you were a diary; my best friend.
NO! i tell myself / you… this… it’s not what i need!
you will just leave again / and i’ll just restart this plead.
but, there was this line you had said / that if you want something, you work your hardest
your advice advised me / and for that i remember you as the smartest.
but are you worth working for now / when all you do is bring me down?
i can’t make up my mind anymore / my heart begins again to frown.
i need to get away from this bed / although it gives me warmth and comfort
all i feel is being trapped in a cage / my loving bed makes me feel hurt.
my friends tell me “oh, write a journal / let your quietest emotions shout!”
but my hands shake too much for a writer / so for you, i’m going out.
as i walk outside, all i feel / is you holding me like a harness
in this sunset in front of me i see no sparks / i only see darkness.
but then i see something / my eyes squint, i see a light!
shining in a… library? oh, that place / where dreamers read and doers write.
reluctantly i walked in / but now i’m happy i did so
had i held onto your feeling more / i would have never let myself go.
regaining my strength, my eyes fixed / on something so eloquently designed
i couldn’t look away / i wanted this, this obsession, as mine.
it was a book / and i thought to myself as i walked out the door
about you / and i realized you weren’t my obsession anymore.
i looked down at the beauty / and beautiful it did look
i realized you too were a pretty cover / but you were just a terrible book.
i started to read page after page / captured for hours on end
and for the first time after a long time / i fell in love again.
come to think of it / my love for books started reminding me of you
because both make me laugh and cry / but end suddenly once they’re through.
but when i’m reading / i love that i’m able to escape the world around me
escape into a story more interesting / than yours and mine will ever be.
yes, you were great / but working hard for you wasted my time
now i’m gladly wasting it / engulfed in a book’s every line.
once upon a time i needed you / now i realize you were a want
and all i need right now / is this everlasting font.
so as i sit here reading / i cry with hints of laughter
knowing that i don’t want you in my happily ever after.
-nida a. (2016)